


WAP 3: A Very Wet Ass Christmas

by xxbunnykissesxx



Series: WAP: THE SERIES [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Christmas Smut, Crack, F/M, Incest, Riding, Sibling Incest, crack taken a little seriously???, i finished writing this at 5 am christmas day, simp five, thats just the bitch i am, to give you a view of my mental state
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28315620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxbunnykissesxx/pseuds/xxbunnykissesxx
Summary: "Now get your boots and your coat for this wet ass pussy"
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: WAP: THE SERIES [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2045437
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	WAP 3: A Very Wet Ass Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fiveyaaas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/gifts).



> CRYPTID. defined by google as:   
> an animal whose existence or survival is disputed or unsubstantiated, such as the yeti.  
> Santa meets that criteria.  
> Merry Christmas Tori!!!!

"Why don't you just hire someone to be Santa?"  
"Five, we're in the middle of a pandemic, it's a miracle I even get to have her this year. Patrick will put me through hell if I let her near a stranger. I just want to give my daughter a normal Christmas without losing her. Please?" Allison pleading would still take some time to get used to, no matter how long she resolved to not use her powers for personal reasons.  
"There's no way. Have Luther do it."  
"You think I haven't thought of that? Claire has seen every Academy member except you. Please, Five, no one else can do it."  
"She's staying here for two weeks. She'll realize it's just me."  
"I promise she won't! Claire doesn't get here until Christmas Eve, so she won't even know who you are if you wear the costume."  
"Allison. I will never wear that fucking suit. I would rather spend another 50 years in the apocalypse than dress up like some old man for you.” Before Allison could say another word Five blinked away.

“You’re boyfriend is a dick” Allison flopped down on the couch next to her sister, bottle of vodka in hand.  
“True.” Vanya said without looking up from the sheet music she had been organizing.  
The taller woman took a swig from the already half-empty bottle. “The world’s biggest dick.” She sighed, “He won’t do anything for his niece. If he would help me just this once, I would never want anything from him again.”  
“Really?” That had caught Vanya’s attention. She had been struggling for weeks to figure out what to get Allison for Christmas. Not only were their tastes completely different, but what do you get for the classy A-list actress who could get anything she wanted herself?  
“Really. The bastard could continue being the biggest dick I ever met and I couldn’t care less.”  
“What if,” Vanya asked “I could convince him?”  
“Vanya,” Allison lifted herself up from the couch and stared at her sister with a hard edge in her suddenly stone cold sober eyes, “You would be my favorite sibling. You’d come before Luther, Vanya.”  
These were not light words coming from Allison. And, while Vanya knew that in everyday life it probably wasn’t going to strengthen their sisterhood quite to that level, she also knew that Allison wouldn’t forget what Vanya was going to do for her. Five was an easy man when it came to what Vanya wanted. This was probably one of the only times in Vanya’s life that she would have an unfair advantage over her sister. It was only fair that everyone, most of all herself, should get what they wanted.

Five normally spent most of his time in either his room or hers. He was sitting at his desk, scribbling into his notebook and typing what he wrote into a word document. Five had opted out of school when he got a body that better suited his physical age.   
“I’m smarter than anyone there will ever be and a millionaire. I don’t have to go to college to make mathematical advancements.” He had told her when she asked what he wanted to do without an apocalypse to chase.  
“Hey, Five.” Vanya said, sitting on his bed next to the desk and leaning over to look at the numbers that made no sense to her no matter how many nights her boyfriend had tried to explain them.  
“V.” He didn’t look at her. Sometimes she sat with him for the closeness of it. She would bring her violin or her phone and entertain herself, enjoying the feeling of just having someone close that she could spend time with if she wanted to.   
“What do you want for Christmas?” It was as good a segway as any.  
“Do we celebrate Christmas now? It’s fine if you found God, Vanya, I support you, but since when has the family ever done anything?”  
“I don’t know. Allison celebrates Christmas. I guess it’s just there? Like a default? It doesn’t have to be religious.”  
Five nodded solemnly “Christmas is a bastard’s holiday.” Giggles escaped Vanya. She loved deadpan humor and it fit Five well. Whenever she tried, she couldn’t help but smile and ruin the joke. The absurdity of her life should have prevented that.  
“I like Christmas. We never got to have holidays as kids, we should be able to have them now. I always wanted to meet Santa Claus. I remember once when the Academy was saving hostages, it was December, and we passed a mall on the way. It was so beautiful, Five. The lights and colors and all the presents under the trees. I was so jealous. It wasn’t even real but I still wanted it.” She could see the gentle shifts in Five’s profile when he heard the sadness in her voice.  
“It’s fine to want things like that. We had a weird childhood.” He swiveled in his chair to face her, “If having Christmas will make you happy, then we’ll have Christmas. What do you want?”  
She leaned in to whisper into his ear “I want to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what a good girl I’ve been all year.”  
She pulled back to look at him. It was worth it just to see the blush on his face. It was one of Vanya’s favorite things about having him like this. She batted her eyelashes, leaning forward so that she had to look up at him. “It’s all I want.”

He glared at Allison every time he saw her that month. She just smirked back at him. Vanya had told him the next day that if he truly wanted to do this for her, then he would need to get a favor from Allison, who was the only one with access to a costume that hadn’t been used by 50 mall Santas prior. There was no doubt that she knew the means by which Vanya had secured this for her. It didn’t matter now. Her daughter would meet Santa Claus on Christmas Eve and then have the best morning of her life. Maybe she even enjoyed the power of knowing that she could weasel her way into controlling any aspect of his life.  
“I couldn’t get the dry cleaner’s for the 23rd, so it’ll have to be on the 22nd.”  
“Get a washing machine. There’s no point in doing this if I can’t even get my wife in the Christmas spirit.”  
“I’m not having my daughter sit on something after that, you perv. Professional only.”  
“Grace is a machine built for cleaning. Do you think the woman who washed blood out of our clothes without staining for years can’t handle getting cum out.”  
Allison frowned, “I’ll have him make two of them.”  
“Oh, great,” Five rolled his eyes, “I get to keep one.”

The costume was hideous. A garish red velvet coat lined with pure white faux fur paired with gloves and a hat to match, black leather boots, and a fake beard that would end at his chest made up the outfit. While putting it on, it became apparent that it was made for someone nearly twice as wide as he was. Five ended up having to stuff a pillow into it. He felt ridiculous. It was ridiculous. There was no way Vanya would be able to go through with it. She wasn’t going to be able to look at him in a sexual way ever again. After finally getting his adult body back from (time travel gone wrong) the thing that would ruin this for him would be indulging in a fantasy that she had asked for. Five’s life had always seemed like a cruel cosmic joke and the love of his life leaving him over an ill-fated Santa Claus kink was no different. This was going to be the last time he ever fucked Vanya Hargreeves.  
He hadn’t stepped completely out of the door when he heard her whine, “Five, you forgot the beard.”  
She sounded horny, which was more than he could ask for at this point. He was praying that she wouldn’t change her mind when she saw him, or push him away halfway through when she came to her senses. He could at least make her cum before she broke it off.   
When he had the beard attached he took a deep breath and entered the room they had secured off from the rest of the family. Neither of their rooms quite had the feeling that Vanya wanted when she imagined meeting Santa. They opted for one of the living rooms that they had decorated with paper cut-outs and multi-colored lights. Five had set up a wooden chair next to a large pine tree that he and Vanya had picked out together.   
Vanya was standing in the middle of the room. She was wearing a red dress with fluffy white accents and a low cut halter that brought attention to her small chest. Her hair was straightened and pushed to the side of her face. She looked embarrassed, her face a cute pink and her eyes refusing to meet his, but stealing glances nonetheless.  
He sat down awkwardly. Neither of them had experience with something like this. Sure, they had been plenty adventurous, they had to be to go for incest, but there was no handbook on playing Santa for his sister.   
“Vanya,” he said, almost numbed by the terrible mixture of emotion he was experiencing, but this might as well happen, and put on a deep voice, “Come sit in Santa Claus’ lap.”   
She walked slowly towards him, shy in a way she hadn’t been since they had first started seeing each other. Smoothing her skirt, she settled into his lap. It was difficult to keep her on along with the pillow bunched up at Five’s stomach, but eventually she was able to lean back and brace herself against the arm rests with minimum discomfort. He gave her several moments to object or reposition herself before he began. She said nothing and Five hesitantly started to speak.  
“What would you like for me to make you?” He asked. Research always made Five feel in control, and while he had read conflicting accounts that Santa had elves to make presents, this felt more personable.  
“Pregnant.” Five’s face went up in flames at her words even as blood rushed to his cock. Vanya was rocking her hips against the sudden hardness. Hands found her waist to guide her, lifting her up slightly and pressing her flush against him. Her breaths became heavier as he dipped his gloved hand beneath her fur to stroke her nipple.   
“Anything for my girl,” he pinched her nipple, rolling it between his fingers as he listened to her whine, “I’d do anything for you, Vanya, I’ll give you anything you want. Tell me and you can have it.”  
“Five, please.”   
He swallowed and looked at her, focusing himself, then tsked. “That’s not my name.”  
“Santa, please cum inside of me.” Five reached down to unbuckle the black leather belt cinched around the coat’s waist. Unfortunately, the matching gloves slid off the buckle every time he tried to get a grip. On the twelfth try Vanya decided that she couldn’t wait any longer and turned to straddle him, struggling against the pillow pressed between them. She undid his belt with fumbling fingers, eager to turn around and be taken care of. Once Five had gotten his cock out from the layers of fabric as well as possible, he guided Vanya back around, keeping an arm wrapped around her so that she could stay on. He enjoyed seeing her face when they had sex but the novelty of having her ride him like this was enough to make up for it.   
Finally able to fuck his girlfriend, and quickly losing any reservations about the circumstances that had lead to the fucking, Five immediately set to work at her cunt. He flipped up her skirt to expose her pussy. She had worn nothing underneath when she was preparing for him. He dragged his fingers along her inner folds again and again until he could begin to feel the wetness seeping from her. With his index and ring finger he spread her wide so that he could press his middle finger against her clit. She let out a sigh when he started to move his finger in harsh jerking motions, relieved to have anything after such a long wait.  
Vanya’s sighs became louder as Five pressed down harder, more frequent and breathy until she was moaning continuously. When it sounded like she was sobbing Five pulled away. She arched her back and rocked her hips, hoping that she could persuade him to allow her to go back to chasing the feeling of smooth leather against her clit. He did not.  
"What would you like for Christmas, little girl?" Five purred into her ear while he pulled down the top of her dress to expose her tits.  
"I want Santa to fuck me until I scream."  
“Have you been a good girl this year?” She turned briefly to face him. She was sitting on his lap ready to ride him and he wanted to play games.  
“I don’t know, ask my daddy.”  
“Ask him yourself, angel.” He could feel her rolling her eyes at his request.  
“Daddy, do I deserve lots of presents this year?”  
“Oh, God, Vanya.” He buried his face in her fluffy trim and slowly guided her hips to bury himself in her. When he got as far as he could he held onto her a moment before letting out a breath and lifting her slightly before slamming her back down. She was back to breathless moans as Five fucked her. She wouldn’t be able to help much in her position, nearly falling off of him from the pillow and too high up for her short legs to find support. The only thing keeping her from sliding off of him was the bruising grip digging into her side.   
It was amazing when Five lifted her down on top of him. He would occasionally bring her half or quarter of the way up before bringing her back down to meet him, bouncing her until her eyes were rolling back in her head. The pants of the suit were drenched from the woman riding him. He adjusted her weight so that he could pull apart her thighs that had steadily come together to stimulate her clitoris. Vanya forced her legs apart when she realized what he was trying to do for her. A scream escaped her as Five jerked his fingers hard against her. Pleasure pooled inside of her as the man continued to fuck her as hard as he could, knowing that she was just within reach of orgasm.   
It really shouldn’t have made much difference, but what pushed her over was Five beginning to nip along her neck. Clenching tight around him as her orgasm washed over her in waves. Five fucked her through it, teeth latched lightly into the skin of her neck, losing control of his shaking arms, barely able to keep her on his lap as he grabbed her hips and fucked into her as hard as he could. He screamed her name when he came, spilling deep inside of her. The both of them fell back, Five into the chair and Vanya into the pillow still bunched into his stomach and chest, unable to find want to remove herself from his cock. She took the hand that had held onto her waist and pressed a kiss into his knuckles before cuddling as best as she was able into the man behind her, waiting to either fall asleep against him or to find the energy to drag herself to bed. Five’s eyes were closed now, a byproduct of lifting Vanya the majority of the time. They would sleep in the chair and wake up cold and sore and completely satisfied with their Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbgGygu1VI2dyuQgm3uzxn27aApIdOJJV
> 
> Spotify deleted (????it seemingly exists in a limbo similar to purgatory?????) my account when i tried to make this playlist they are now the enemy


End file.
